In a Disconnected World
As a child, I was in trouble a lot. Sometimes it was because of something I did wrong—but often, it was simply because I was there.
Over time, I learned to stay on guard. But constantly being “on guard” wears down the nervous system. A hypervigilant heart is an anxious heart—and anxiety always leads to more problems (Luke 21:34).
Lately, I’ve realized I have a habit of over-explaining—a pattern of clarifying and re-clarifying “what I meant” or “why I did” something – even when the details don’t matter or aren’t the point.
While reading an article about the root causes of “overexplaining,” I found myself wondering: Why do I do this? The thought of how being misunderstood—of having my motives twisted or misinterpreted to mean the opposite of what I intended—creates real anxiety. Sometimes near panic.
Even while watching a movie where a character is falsely accused (especially if they won’t speak up for themselves) about makes me lose my mind! I feel a strong and sometimes OCD urge to correct the narrative. I’ve wondered…Is it fear of rejection? Fear of abandonment? Fear of reprisal? What is it?
Then I wondered… Is this obvious attempt at self-protection also tied to a deeper desire—to be genuinely known? On my darkest, loneliest days, I’ve found myself asking, “Does anyone really know me at all?” Have you ever felt that way?
To Know and Be Known
The desire to know and be known is something every human longs for – it’s part of what makes us feel loved…or not. Our primal need for love and connection begins at birth—with the bond between mother and child. An infant needs more than just milk for her body—her soul needs nourishment too.
From our earliest relationships with our parents to the deep intimacy of marriage, we are designed to love and be loved—to connect with those closest to us, to plug into their soul, and to experience a mutual knowing of the heart.
I believe this is true in varying degrees across our relationships—with family, with close friends, and most profoundly, with God. Perhaps the Enemy’s greatest aim is to sever these connections. Because when that happens, the very fabric of the human experience begins to unravel—leaving us more vulnerable, more isolated, and easier to destroy.
Think about it… emotional isolation, division, and assuming the worst of others’ hearts—these are the root of fractured marriages, broken families, rebellious children, school shootings, and even wars. It snuffs out longing in marriage… steals the hearts of our children… sows distrust—destroys families, communities, churches.
Sometimes I wonder if most—if not all—of the dysfunction we see in relationships can be traced back to a basic failure to know and be known.
Maybe that’s why overexplaining feels so urgent—because deep down, we were created to be known. That longing points to something sacred: the way we were designed in the image of a God who also desires to be known by us—to connect—heart to heart.
In Scripture, God reveals His grief over the broken connection between Himself and mankind—and His remedy: the person of Jesus Christ. In His presence, we find the kind of soul-deep understanding that calms the panic, heals the ache, and invites us into the connection we were created for all along.
And this is eternal life, that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. – John 17:3
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
